this week I spent more time on the sofa



Monday diahorrea immodium rotten morning drove to hospital cycled to shop to buy dress pattern

Tuesday am sore bum like hit with hammer-crying

I wrote this shorthand on Tuesday in case things got better and I forgot the beginning of the week. Actually week 3 was not so great. The mornings when I go to the loo I have terrible pain but by yesterday I had sorted a few things out. The Thursday review radiographers gave me steroid anti-inflammatory suppositories and cream for the piles that have flared up due to the radiation and are causing much of the pain, I have started taking paracetemol, and, it sounds overdramatic but I find crying with my face in a big soft piece of fabric makes it easier. I also now use cotton wool to wipe my bum and aqueous cream-this cancer is turning me into a big baby!
I am not eating very much because of the above but, aware of the fact I need to keep my strength up in order to recover, I do eat fruit for breakfast and one other meal a day. I also award myself one bounty bar every day and as many Tesco value milk lollies as I want as a small recompense for having anal cancer..the absolutely brilliant thing is that my skin is still fine- a slight sunburnt look-the opposite of the norm-a white body with a tanned fanny and arse.
Emotionally I am held up by the support I get given on a constant basis-yesterday spectacularly with the most beautiful bouquet of flowers Lou declared she had ever seen, and I agree, from my friends at work. I was also sent a beautiful blessing.
In the chemo waiting room on Thursday I sawsomeone I knew-a (mature) ex-student-he loudly told me you had to 'watch the staff as they made mistakes' and also told me at least I hadn't lost my hair as that's bad for a woman ,that with a woman opposite me with a  cold cap on who wa obviously in danger of just that happning. I realised this man was oblivious to the effect his words would have on others as he was probably plum scared-told me he couldn't wait to get on the surgeon's table...I thought then that I wasn't as scared as him and felt lucky-all things are relative!!
I am signed off work for 6 months although can go back before once I'm well again-my GP has a system of writing prescriptions at the flick of  a mouse-he patently felt so sorry for me he prescribed two vast boxes of co-codomal before I could stop him which I'm too scared to take because they cause constipation! I'll ask the review radiographers what they think or even Dr Tom as I have a clinic appointment next Friday before they hook me up to the chemo again.
I have a facebook friend ( the real (not FB) friend of a friend) who has had anal cancer. This means I can ask searching questions about symptoms and treatments from someone who has experienced them personally-what a boon and lucky to find him-there are only 900 people a year in the UK get anal cancer. He has recommended a cream no doctor would have knowledge of the Eros Original Bodyglide Silicone Lubricant and it's even available on Amazon-I have my aqueous cream from the hospital for day to day and my lovely Radiance Skin Gel from Penny Brohn for now still.
Tony has been cheering me up by reminding me of when we went to Paris 40 years ago. I had to go round the galleries as part of my Fine Art degree course. It was all wonderful especially the mayonnaise on the mini quiches, the Tuileries  and the Art. I've never seen the Pompidou Centre or the triangle in front of the Louvre-they weren't built then-Paris has to be on my list of things to do when I'm better and I don't have to suffer a sea crossing this time-I'll go by train or even (exciting!!) plane!
We went in 1971 before Tristan was born when I was listening to the Jefferson airplane-what with all my pills they are this week's choice for my Spotify playlist